When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
