last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
