how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
