He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
