I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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