I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
