The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
