You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
dude. I can hear the air.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
