just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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