found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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