I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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