anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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