Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
