how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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