My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
