He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
