This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
