I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
