I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
