part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
