"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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