I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Small penises have feelings too.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
