He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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