I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
