I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
