i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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