I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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