dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
