he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
