So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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