Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I see more hoeing in ur future
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
