Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
