Pants 0. Shit 1.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
