I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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