What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
