I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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