It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Be still, my beating vagina.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
