Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
zippers are such a cool invention
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And then my night got REAL pukey
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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