Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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