i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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