She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
