its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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