i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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