What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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