i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
