i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
