just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
