I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
