I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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