do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
