I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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